Jack Handey Deep Thoughts quotes
"It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny"
Take this quote mobile"Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one."
"The old-timers around here still shake their heads and chuckle about that city slicker who came through, trying to peddle 'hair"
"You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don"
"Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. But I think it"
"When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, 'I like mayonnaise.' She just stared at me, so"
"Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just"
"I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egypt, on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, 'Be sur"
"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."
"If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while Come on, we're not going to hurt it."