Jack Handey Deep Thoughts quotes
"Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the per"
"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have"
"When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me."
"If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the g"
"If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that will tell"
"If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and t"
"What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby Maybe we'll never know."
"I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away."
"If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has b"
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'"
