Jack Handey Deep Thoughts quotes
"If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like y"
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"Whenever I open a door, I pull on the doorknob real hard, because isn't there a saying that if it comes off in your hand, you ca"
"If I could be a bird, I think I'd be a penguin, because then I could walk around on two feet with a lot of other guys like me."
"Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go, the later you think you ar"
"Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, 'Aw, who cares' And then I think, 'Hey, what's for supper"
"I don't say that the bird is 'good' or the bat is 'bad.' But I will say this At least the bird is less nude."
"If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mis"
"Many people do not realize that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides walking on snow. For instance, it can b"
"Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions,' and if you got a different 'impression,' s"