Jack Handey Deep Thoughts quotes
"Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings."
Take this quote mobile"To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can"
"If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now."
"Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to re"
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be h"
"I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a go"
"If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye co"
"You know one thing that will really make a woman mad Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)"
"I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a lar"
"You know something that would really make me applaud A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out"