George Carlin quotes
"Life.....is a series of dogs."
Take this quote mobile"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"
"Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?"
"When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? "
"If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? "
"I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? "
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."
"As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything."
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."